Lunar Training Journal - Day 1

Before Sunrise a driver-less vehicle arrives at my home. A black cat is in the front passenger seat.

We drove away and at the stop sign the car(?) went invisible. Then as the vehicle was rising straight up and I could see over the rooftops a cloud of smoke that smelled like lavender filled the cabin and I must have passed out.

Next thing I know I hear a, “meow” and open my eyes to a scene from the recent Artemis mission. The blue marble we call Earth floating in black inky nothingness.

Inside the vehicle it doesn’t feel like we are moving, the only sign of movement is Earth slowly shrinking in the distance. I noticed at this time the lack of silence, the radio was playing Depeche Mode’s “Behind the Wheel” and the cat was nodding his head along with the song.

6 hrs worth of 90’s alternative music later we arrived on the moon. What took NASA six days took us as many hours.

Everything on the Moon is subterrainian, including the landing area. I thought we were plummeting to our death until the crater bottom opened up and we dropped onto a huge tarmac below to watch the ceiling close back up.

My door opened and the cat was sitting there in the open door staring and swishing its tail like my cat does when he wants to show me something.

“Lead the way my fine feline because I have no idea where I am going.” And with that the cat trotted off to a nearby door. As I follow I take in my surroundings. We are in a giant domed cavern that is covered in metal plates, even the floors. It is mostly empty but for the stacks of aluminum palettes and what look like larger vehicles covered in drop cloths. There are various lights, Industrial hanging tube lights, light tracks embedded in the walls and floors, and big flood lights unplugged along the sides of the room. It is very clean and so quiet I can hear the smack of the cat's foot pads on the metal floor.

We reach the door, it slides open with a “WOOSH” and reveals darkness. I look at the cat, the cat ROLLS ITS EYES at me and crosses the threshold. I figure I’ve come this far and followed the cat inside.

The door slides shut and the lights flicker on to reveal an all white room, much like a tiny movie screening theater. I walk to the first of the 3 rows and find a clip board with my name tag on the middle seat. I sit down and dutifully apply the “My name is” sticker. I realize this isn’t a regular clip board but a digital version that began texting me questions the moment I applied my name tag. It was a bit overwhelming and asking some pretty personal questions so I sat it on the seat next to me while I looked around.

I feel the cat staring at me so I look over at it, it continues its unblinking stare so I say, “I’m ready when you are.”

The cat hops up next to the big screen and places its paw on a panel that slides away. It seemed to have its paw scanned and then the large screen began to flicker, then reveal static snow. The cat seemed satisfied with this and jumped down, walked to the back of the room and curled up on a catbed I swore was not there when we entered.

Just as I was about to make a sarcastic comment about the static to the cat we heard it, “Hello? Hello? Can you hear me? Can you see me? Oh blast, when was the last time this lunar station was upgraded? Oh my! That’s a long time! Nevermind. Hello? Cara? Are you there?”

Unsure how these comms work I glanced at the cat and answered aloud, “Hello, yes, we can hear you but visuals are just static.”

“We?” responded the voice.

“Yes. Myself and the Cat.” I replied.

“Oh, she's referring to Void. Interesting. They usually stay out of sight. Make a note in the file.” The voice was quieter as if talking to someone close by.

“Yes, yes, welcome to the GBA family! Next we will continue with the debrief and then close with an evaluation before introducing you to your lunar accommodations. We will work around your 24 hr earth schedule so we need to get started right away!”

“Sounds great, I’m all ears.” I responded.

“Are you really? I was told Earth beings were humanoid.” the voice queried.

“I must admit to being even more sorry to not have visual after hearing that!”, said the voice

Better keep a lid on the sarcasm I thought to myself as I try to explain the euphemism is not literal and am indeed humanoid.

I am instructed how to use the nosey clipboard and am to use it for work related tasks, it will be coming home with me and I am never ever allowed to connect to my wifi router or cellular network because “bad things will happen.” Because that isn’t ominous.

Next are the disclosures which are long and many. Seems like the biggest challenge of the job so far is to manage the secrecy of so much of it. They do provide me with a device to use in case I am questioned by law enforcement or the government but according to their records Earth has a, “don’t ask, don’t tell”, policy for off-planet business.

I find it interesting that I am selling space coffee but either don't know about it or can't speak about the company. They are counting on consumers believing it is clever branding.

(For a moment there seemed to be an argument on their end about the recent Artemis exploration mission and a reference to the Space Balls movie’s R.V.-like spacecraft because it delayed my training.)

Next we discuss pests, explaining that pests should be managed at the lunar outpost before earth bound. If any make it past into a delivered shipment IMMEDIATELY contact the cat.

Payments will be managed with Earth currency and exchange rates for Intergalactic currency is managed on the back end by the company.

At this point it just goes on and on about how the Universe, the Dimensions, and all the galaxies just love coffee, wrapping with a “Do what you love!” close for the debrief.

“We apologize for the faulty comms during your debrief. Your Evaluation will be much more interactive.

It was a pleasure to speak with you. We hope you enjoy your lunar stay and welcome to the GBA family.”

Then more quietly, “… I really am a little disappointed she wasn’t really all ears… what does that say about me …”

The screen goes black and silent.

A wall panel to my right slides open to reveal a tiny being about 18 inches tall and looks to be made of lime green floam balls, a round little head on a round body with rounded limbs but small humanoid hands & feet wearing a hard hat, t-shirt and cargo pants? Bare feet but wearing gloves. I turn to make a comment to the cat, but it and its bed are gone.

With no real alternative I gather my clipboard and head toward my new acquaintance.

It turns out, this is Bob. He is a longtime worker of this lunar facility and it is his fondest wish to become employee of the month. You see it is very difficult due to the 3 million employees and a few exemplary rabbits. Bob also likes that his name is the same forwards and backwards.

I know all this because when I initially approached him, he thrust what looked like a solid white old walkman at me and headphones that reminded me of those headsets they give you at museums to self-tour. It seems Bob altered the device to translate him, rendering him tour manager in his quest for, you guessed it, employee of the month. All that said, I rather liked Bob and found myself rooting for him to achieve his goal.

We remained underground in well lit tube-like corridors. made of what looked and felt like giant acrylic tubes. almost as if one had buried a hamster habitat below the lunar surface.

I was intrigued by being able to see the actual rocks and soil all around us. Had it not been so large and lit I know I would have felt more panicked. I felt as at ease as if I was at a theme park attraction back home.

Along the floors were rubberized no slip flooring, embedded in the somewhat clear rubber were tiny led rainbow twinkle lights. it wasn’t a yellow brick road but it seemed pretty magical to me.

So Bob was chatting about shipping and moving into storage protocols when I made the mistake of asking about the cat.

Bob stopped in his tracks turning his small body to face me. “What ca-at” he replied, dragging out the “a” and hitting a hard “t” at the end.

I explained the black cat with the bright blue-green eyes and how he seemed to be a part of my journey. I even shared my surprise at the cat’s taste in music en route.

bob solemnly shook his head saying,

“This is bad. The last time such a creature visited, chaos ensued. not to mention the rabbits and the lemons.”

I struggled not to laugh as he seemed deadly serious about the rabbits and citrus which of course made me want to know more. But Bob seemed disinclined to divulge any details, instead he warned me to watch out for that particular creature as, and I quote,, “more than meets the eye.”

Bob was so upset about the potential of a cat incident he insisted we detour to security.

He also notably picked up the pace for someone of his stature, made a few quick turns before ushering me through a dark wood door in a wooden doorway. This took us into security.

The room was huge, it kinda resembled nasa’s ground control set up. Only it faced a giant clear dome with a perfect view of the lunar sky. It was breathtaking to see my earth, fragile as a drop of water floating in space out in front of me.

Anyway, it turns out security had been alerted by the GBA a day prior to our arrival which relaxed Bob considerably. Understandable. 

Bob insisted the tour continue right away, taking me through the general areas of the facility, explaining cargo storage and decontamination protocols, a review of the 24 most common pests, how many lunar day stays I am allowed each year (18!!!), what not to feed the rabbits, (lettuce, citrus and walnuts) and I don’t know what else because we had entered into a domed cavern encased with sheet plates and rivets, similar but smaller than the one we landed in. These seem to be craft hangers for transport.

But this is not what has our attention. At one end of the hanger is a group of about 200 shorter Bob-like beings and directly across from them is the cat. It is rolling something back and forth between its front paws. I relax when I see it is only a lemon. Oh shit, a lemon it dawns on me still ignorant of the consequences. Bob whispers, “It says, “We want whoever called it ‘sour puss’ last time to step forward.”” and gulps.

Recognizing I should defuse the tension I laughed out loud and said to no one in general, “Ohh kay, iIm feeling a little hangry myself. Hey Bob, weren’t we headed to the cafe? Maybe we should take my companion with us in case they would like some refreshments?”

The cat looked at me with those eyes and blinked to the far wood door out to the cafe and began grooming itself waiting on Bob and I. I looked at Bob and shrugged. Bob took a big sigh and nodded causing the gathered workers to gasp in unison. This made Bob stand a little taller and maybe even smile a little.

Shoulders back he walked alongside me straight at the cat who continued grooming and ignoring us. I was just glad to not see any lemons but I was concerned where the one had got to. I was concerned about disrupting routines and schedules but Bob assured me that they are professionals and any issues caused by any potential delay will be managed with ease.

The coffee aroma alerts our senses to the proximity of the cafe, where a flight of GBA signature coffees were waiting with a plate of buttery warm croissants. I love my new job. I haven't made a dime yet but this entire experience has been priceless.

After enjoying the cafe’s hospitality, Bob takes me to my room during my stay. The cat seems satiated, even though I did not see it eat or drink anything, and comes along. Bob informs me I will be in classes tomorrow but he will escort me to breakfast. I am very sleepy so I nod and push open my door to have the cat streak between my feet and inside.

Bob's clear shock seemed to root him to the spot. His eyes as big as saucers he again drops his voice and whispers, "I've never seen one do that before.”

Before shaking his head as if to clear it and saying, “Okay then, see you tomorrow. enjoy your stay.” scurrying off down the sparkling corridor. I watched him go wondering where his quarters were. I’d have to ask.

I was too tired to care about much else but my sleeping accomodations. With that goal in mind I entered my room and looked for the bed and the cat. No cat. but my obnoxious clipboard I accidentally left in a very deep storage area with elevator access was on top of my bed. Dammit.

There was a blinking notification. I was tired and deliberated ignoring it until morning, but chickened out and clicked on it. My luck the clipboard would tell on me anyway.

It was a message of my approved medical accommodation. It said in collaboration with a trusted longtime private contractor. It says I may perceive the contractor as a “cat”. they/them. Ooo the cat. I look around, nope still no cat. This all but guarantees I will see them again no doubt.

With day 1 completed and finishing my satisfaction survey for Bob, all top marks of course. now

I was looking at the bed. I resembled a bed, just not one I am used to sleeping on. It looked like a flat massage chair. I laid down and turned on the mattress using the attached control pad that immediately had the bed adjusting itself to my body. I've never been so comfortable. A light blanket is draped over me by what looks like a cat’s tail. but was when the light turned off the ceiling became glass beneath an ocean of singing, humpback whales when I fell asleep, blissfully unaware of what day 2 will bring.