ANOMALY REPORT 001

GALACTIC BEAN ALLIANCE
FIRST EARTHSIDE ANOMALY REPORT
Report 001: The Damariscotta Sasquatch

Transmission received: September 1, 2026
Origin point: Damariscotta, Maine, Earth
Status: Resolved, with costume-related complications

The Galactic Bean Alliance has received its first anomaly report from Earth.

Multiple local observers reported a large, unusually hairy figure moving through town. Descriptions varied: Sasquatch. Yeti. Bigfoot. Possibly “a very large and hairy individual.”

The Gba has verified the Damariscotta Police Department initiated what it described as a lengthy, exhaustive, and completely serious investigation. An officer located the figure on Main Street and made contact.

The suspected cryptid was a person wearing a convincing Bigfoot costume.

No unknown species was recovered. No evidence of nefarious activity was found. The entity was not taken into custody for being suspiciously hairy.

GBA assessment: Initial report credible as an Earthside observation. Cryptid classification withdrawn following direct contact with the costumed subject.

Community response: Notable. Numerous residents paused their daily activities to investigate a possible Sasquatch and keep one another safe.

The Alliance considers this a promising first contact with Earth’s anomaly-reporting network. We encourage Earthside observers to continue reporting unusual activity, even when the final explanation involves a costume, a person on Main Street, or a department of local police with excellent comedic timing.

Report 001 closed. Bigfoot remains at large, provided the costume goes back on.

Stay caffeinated.